Getting help for loved ones
How to approach a partner about their problem?
The best way to approach your partner is dependent on how their addiction is affecting both him or her as an individual and how it is affecting your relationship and the other people that love him / her. Sometimes a partner needs love and support when they get help; this is usually the best way to approach the problem the first time you do so.
Without appearing threatening, you need to ask them if they think they might have a problem and how they are feeling about their situation. It may be that they are as concerned as you and know that they need professional help. Tell them what you have observed, why it concerns you and how it is affecting the people they love and care about. Often though this first approach will result in them being dismissive of the problem, defensive about it and even quite aggressive, at least verbally.
If things do not improve long term, you may therefore need to try again at a later date with some harder options – that you will not put up with their behaviour any more. You may need to spell out some consequences if the addictive behaviour continues. Only state consequences that you are prepared to follow through otherwise the ‘threat’ is hollow and meaningless and they will know it. Again we can advise you according to your personal circumstances.
How much longer are you prepared to put up with this? Are you enabling the behaviour in any way e.g. by drinking with your partner, buying alcohol, taking them out to social occasions or places where drinking is expected? If they have a serious addiction issue then this will not get better nor go away on its own. It will only get worse unless the right sort of help for that person is given.
Call us if you want further advice for your own personal circumstances.
We can advise how best to approach a partner or loved one.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
Should I tell my friend i’m seeking help on their behalf?
If your friend has acknowledged he / she has a problem and wants help then tell them you are there to support them in this first stage of getting help and give them all the assistance you can. If your friend is not prepared to admit to needing help at this stage it is often best to get the advice and then present some options to them.
There are various types of help available, some of them free of charge. For example, they could try the various 12 step fellowship groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Cocaine Anonymous (CA), and the various other groups such as Gamblers Anonymous (GA). There could also be help available through local alcohol and drug support services. If none of these seem to offer the right help for your friend at this time, or if they have tried these and failed, then rehab may be the best option.
There are many rehab clinics around the country though the vast majority of them are private and they are not cheap to attend. The Haynes Clinic is one such facility but there are others. You could accompany your friend to visit a few of them so he or she can go to the one that seems most suitable for their needs. Some such as The Haynes Clinic offer a free assessment. Your friend has nothing to lose and everything to gain by looking into and trying the various types of help available and visiting some rehabs. We can discuss with you all these various options on the telephone. That way we can put some information together for them which is tailored to them as an individual.
Ideally, following our conversation with you, you can have a constructive conversation with your friend, explaining why you have been seeking help (if necessary) and what help is available. Then if your friend is open to the idea of getting help, we can also have a chat with him / her or meet them personally to assess their needs as an individual and help them further in their journey towards getting well and happy again.
We are here to help.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
How do I know if somebody is an addict?
If you are worried about a drink problem, ask yourself – are they drinking secretively? This is a sure sign that someone is developing a problem. Are they drinking one bottle in public or ‘in moderation’ at social events but topping up / also drinking from another supply / or drinking prior to going out so that they get drunk more quickly than might be expected from the amount you have witnessed them drink? Can you smell alcohol on them when you should not be able to ie when they say they have not been drinking, or first thing in the morning when it indicates a particularly heavy drinking session from the previous day? Are their eyes a little glazed or unfocussed at times? Do they slur their speech? Do they repeat things? Do they forget things? Do they escape from the house probably to get some time and space to drink?. Are you discovering bottles topped up with water to hide the fact that they have consumed? Are you finding empty bottles hidden in odd places? Do they use mouthwash to cover up the smell of alcohol? Or perfume / aftershave? Some of these questions will apply equally to drug taking problems.
For both alcohol and drugs, you may also notice that their behaviour changes and this can be both when he or she is under the influence and even when they are not because addiction affects people mentally as well as physically. This can include anger issues, mood swings, verbal aggression and violence.
If you have concerns please call us to discuss it and we can give you individual advice about the person you are concerned about. Addiction is what is known as a progressive illness and things do not usually improve on their own.
Call us to discus your options.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
Can I arrange for my partner to come and talk to somebody?
We are willing to talk to anyone and welcome visitors who want to see what we have to offer – or even to come and receive free help and advice. We prefer to meet the person who needs the help when you visit but if that is not appropriate, it is possible for family members to visit without the prospective patient.
During the visit we will assess the person who needs help (or base it on the information we obtain from the family member). We try to keep this as informal as possible so as not to be intimidating. We like to make the session as much like a conversation as possible rather than a form filling exercise though we may take some notes (forms can be completed if and when the person decides to admit for treatment to get help). However, if you are accompanying someone, please be aware that we are conducting the assessment at all times – during the informal conversation with them and while you are talking to each other. We will also be observing the person you are concerned about in terms of their behaviour, attitude and mood – though please rest assured there is no right and wrong thing to do and say, just tell and show us how it is. That is the best way for us to get the information we need for effective treatment.
Your visit will serve a number of purposes. From your point of view (and the prospective patient), you should get the advice you need and the reassurance that we can get your loved one well. If you visit with the prospective patient, we hope that he or she will get some idea of what treatment at the Haynes Clinic involves, so that he or she is less fearful of coming into treatment. From the perspective of the clinic, we will be able to assess that the individual is suitable for treatment. It is rare that we cannot provide effective treatment for someone who has an addiction issue. It helps, of course, if they really want to get well – but this is not essential at this point.
We are here to help and advise.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
What can I do to help an addict/alcoholic?
The best thing you can do is not to help or allow them to continue with their addictive behaviour. An addict / alcoholic is rarely happy and fulfilled and if you continue to tolerate their drinking / addiction then you are helping them to stay unhappy – and probably helping the people who care about them to continue worrying too.
The first and easiest piece of advice to follow is not to help them fund their habit or the consequences of it. You might also decide to take their personal means of finance (cash, bank cards) off them. This can be demeaning for them but is only because you do not want them to obtain more alcohol / drugs. That said, most addicts will find a means of obtaining alcohol and drugs even if you take their money and cards from them. Another way people try to protect the alcoholic / addict in the family – although they may not appreciate it at the time – is to prevent them as far as is possible from taking part in any risky behaviours such as driving a car (ie take the keys from them and hide them). Ultimately your aim should be not to put up with their continuing to abuse alcohol and /or substances.
One of the ways you can help them come to the end of their addiction is to put firm boundaries in place. State clearly what you will and will not tolerate. However it is important that you only put in place boundaries and consequences that you are prepared to adhere to. So, for example, there is no point saying that if they continue to drink / use drugs that you will leave / throw them out – unless you are prepared to do that. (By the way if you have the strength and resources to do that, it may well be the best course of action). A very good boundary to have in place is some form of treatment option – if they do not stop or have another binge, they should go to treatment. Make sure you have your options for treatment in place so that if they do continue with the behaviour you can quickly put the consequences in place.
Call us for advice on your personal circumstances.
We can support you through the process.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
Getting help for myself
Will you tell me whether I’m an addict / alcoholic?
The fact that you are reading this probably means that you have some concerns about your drinking / using. Is it you that is concerned or is it your partner, family or friends that are on your case? Are you worried about being told you are an addict / alcoholic?
In the end, it is just a label. You are what you are and the label will make no difference. What will make a difference is doing something about it. In order to decide what sort of help you need we will collect a lot of information from you and the people who love and care about you who are affected by your recent behaviour. We will give you a full assessment and really get to know you. You will also get an assessment with our consultant psychiatrist. In the end, with our help you will come to your own conclusion about whether or not you are an addict / alcoholic.
It is important to realise that alcoholism and addiction comes in many different shapes and sizes. Let’s take alcoholism as an example. The traditional view of an alcoholic is of a homeless person on a park bench, with a bag at their feet swigging from a can or bottle. That is one type but only a tiny proportion of all alcoholics are homeless. Another view is that to be an alcoholic you have to drink in the morning. That is also a mistaken view – you can be an alcoholic and not drink for many days or weeks at a time. You may be someone who binges but once on a binge, you cannot stop drinking and there are many negative consequences to your binges for both you and people who care about you. You may have a successful career and on the surface have everything – but still be concerned about your drinking and its impact on your life.
Not all heavy drinkers are alcoholics. Not all binge drinkers are alcoholics. Not all drug users are addicts. We will help you to come to your own conclusion as to whether you are an alcoholic or addict by looking at your own drinking / using, how it affects your behaviour and the consequences, and how it affects how you feel within yourself.
We can discuss with you your addiction.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
How will treatment affect my job?
Once you have received treatment you should become a much better valued employee. If you are good at your job with your addiction, imagine how much you will be able to achieve without it!
Has your addiction affected your job? Be honest, are you sometimes late for work or unreliable in any way because of your addiction? Do you think your mental state due to your addiction might be making you less effective? Do you find yourself forgetting things at work and just not working at 100% effectiveness? Have you let yourself down at a work social event due to your addiction? Any of these behaviours could affect your progress at work or even lead to you losing your job. Treatment itself cannot cause you to lose your job. It may even save it.
Obviously you are going to need time off work to go to treatment but this cannot directly cause you to lose your job as you are dealing with a health issue. You are going to have to take the time off as sick leave. We can provide a ‘fitness for work’ certificate (formerly sick note) to cover your time in treatment. If your employer is aware of your struggles with your addiction they may be pleased that you are seeking help. If they are unaware of your issues, we can still provide you with an honest sick note without revealing the precise nature of your condition. We can discuss what information is best to give to your employer according to your personal circumstances.
In the end, if you do not deal with your addiction, you are likely to eventually lose your job so there is no question what needs to take priority if it comes to a choice between your job and dealing with your addiction. Your abilities and talents that enabled you to get your job are still there and if you lose it you will be able to get another job – this time without the encumbrance of an active addiction to deal with.
We can discuss with you a treatment programme to suit you.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
How do I tell my family?
Often family members are amongst the first to notice that someone has an addiction problem – before the person recognises it themselves. If this is your family and they have never confronted you with their suspicions, you will probably find that when you come to tell them your ‘news’ – that you are addicted to alcohol, drugs or are a gambler, for example – that they are relieved that finally you have come to realise what they already strongly suspected. They may find your ‘announcement’ something of a miracle – that at last you acknowledge and are going to address your problems with a view to getting well.
However sometimes family members are not aware especially if they do not live in close proximity to or in the same household as you. In most cases at the very least you will find that your family are aware that something is not right with you and that your life is not as it should be. They tend to notice if you avoid them by not answering your phone or if you do not respond to messages – or if you do answer but you are not very open with them about your life. This in itself can cause them a lot of hurt and worry. They know that something is not right – that you have mood swings, are depressed, not yourself etc – but they do not have a clue what is wrong. In these circumstances, they may be relieved to hear that the problem is addiction and that help is available. You can get well and be happy again!
If your family members (or some of them) are really not aware of your addiction problem and have no clue that anything at all is wrong with you, we can help you to explain to your family what life has been like for you, that treatment is necessary, and reassure them that things can change in the future. Again support is available.
We can support you through the treatment process.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
I want help but have no money
There is a lot of free help available and we can point you in the right direction. If you call us there is no obligation for you to come to rehab – we will not give you a hard sell. You will speak to someone who is a recovering alcoholic / addict who truly believes you can get well. So you have nothing to lose by giving us a call which will cost you only a phone call and a few minutes of your time.
The sorts of free help you might be able to access are:
• Detox medication through your GP or the local drug and alcohol services in your area
• One to one counselling or support groups through your local drug and alcohol services. You might be asked to keep a drink diary, for example, to help you measure your alcohol consumption, with a view to reducing it
• The 12 Step Fellowship – Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Cocaine Anonymous (CA), Gamblers Anonymous (GA) etc. You will probably have heard of at least AA. This is a fellowship of men and women all of whom have experienced alcohol dependency. The only requirement to be a member is a desire to stop drinking. People attend who have managed to stop, in some instances several years previously. They will share their experience with you and give you encouragement and support so you can stop drinking too. Apart from attending the meetings, you can also get a sponsor (or mentor) who will take you through their 12 Step Programme of recovery, which will give you the tools to live your own life clean and sober in the future. The other fellowships (NA, CA, GA) etc follow the same principles and practises.
So if you want and need help but have no personal funds, we can explore with you other ways you can get the help you need.
We can support you through the treatment process.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
Rehabilitation at the Haynes Clinic
How long is the treatment?
A detox (depending on the individual) is a minimum of two week’s stay. A full programme is usually 28 days.
We always recommend a minimum of a 28 day stay. Our belief here at The Haynes Clinic, is that to build a good longstanding recovery you should have a strong foundation to start with. This is something that can be achieved by staying in treatment for a lengthier period of time – allowing yourself more time to pick up the tools that you need to live a fulfilled, content, sober life and begin to put them into practice.
We tend to discourage clients from checking in for quick detoxes as doing so does generally not lead to long term sobriety but is more of a ‘short-term fix’. People can often fall in to an unhealthy pattern of detox’s and relapses due to not wanting to confront the root issues of their addiction or dependency. However, if you really are just looking for a safe place to detox and nothing more, we will of course support that decision and enable you to do so.
Longer term treatment will help you to challenge the reasons behind your addiction. Working through your feelings in a supportive environment can help you to challenge your demons, understand how you can alter your responses to the negative experiences in your life, and recognise what your trigger points are. This in turn offers you the opportunity to strengthen your self-esteem and self-belief, to believe that you are worthy of a life free of addiction.
Our 28 day treatment plan includes a prescribed detox (if needed) , a psychiatric assessment, accommodation (en-suites available upon request) , 24hr supervision, access to gym/spa, all meals provided, group therapy, 1:1 counselling, varying workshops, meditation & yoga.
If you complete at least 28 days you will be entitled to a free year of aftercare. Aftercare takes place at the clinic every Friday 9-5.
Learn more about our addiction rehab centre.
We can discuss with you any length of programme.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
How much does treatment cost?
A non-refundable deposit of £1000 will secure a room for the date of your choice (subject to agreement with the admissions team).
The cost for residential treatment varies and we can give you a quote depending on your needs and circumstances. We offer treatment starting at two weeks upwards. If you complete our 28 day treatment programme then you will be entitled to free aftercare for a year.
At The Haynes Clinic prices start at £5750 for 2 weeks. Our 28 day price is now £9500. We understand that private addiction treatment is costly but there is no disputing that it can be lifesaving! Something to be aware of when considering the cost of treatment is that often many individuals in the grips of addiction will actually spend thousands and thousands of pounds on their addiction. So, to confront the issue head on can be considered the most cost-effective solution in the long run.
We do appreciate that treatment is not cheap and we try to keep the cost as low as possible, while ensuring that the treatment is the most effective possible and that care and living standards are high. We believe we provide the best treatment available anywhere in terms of value for money.
Of course you want to be sure that you are choosing the right place for either yourself or a loved one and be assured that any specific needs can be met so we would suggest getting in contact with us to discuss the matter further with an experienced member of staff. Usually, we will propose that you visit us for a free assessment to determine suitability of treatment and give you an opportunity ask any questions you may have and look around the clinic.
We offer free advice and information regarding the rehabilitation treatment process and what this will entail for clients and family members. We provide quotes for treatment programmes up to 3 months and can also provide a quote for secondary care, which is available subject to a full period of primary care being completed.
Read more about our addiction rehab clinic.
We can discuss with you financial option.
Contact us via e-mail at info@thehaynesclinic.com
or give us a call on 01462 851 414.
Can I keep it a secret?
We will not reveal that you are with us to anyone without your permission. Your treatment is confidential. It does not have to be on your medical records. From the first contact we have with you / your family, we will establish your personal circumstances and respect your wishes.
Will I be allowed visitors?
Yes you can have visitors the first weekend after you have been in treatment for a week. We do not encourage visitors before this as we need you to focus on settling in and getting well. Visits are then on a Saturday between 11 and 3.